Marriage: The Good, Bad, and The Ugly

Today is our wedding anniversary and marriage is on my mind and everything that entails having a marriage, the good, bad and the ugly. Today, my husband and I have been married for 13 years and I have been with him for a total of 23 years. I know firsthand that marriage has its good times as well as it's bad, and that it is not easy to maintain or survive a marriage during the difficult times especially in our society. Surviving my parents divorce and with 13 years of marriage and 23 years of a relationship I must say that I have seen my fair share of the good, bad, and the ugly. I know the only way me and Monte have survived the ebbs and flows of this journey called marriage is because we have a third person in this marriage with us. 

Marriage has become a negative term in this culture and society.  We no longer look at marriage with anticipation and joy, but with fear. People are scared that if they get married then there is the possibility of getting divorced. No, marriage does not guarantee a lifelong relationship, but neither does any relationship. Marriage was designed to be a lifelong relationship, a commitment and a covenant. The only reason it is not is because we have made it that way. We too often look for any easy way out. If we feel unhappy, then just leave. If you feel unfulfilled, then leave. If your husband makes you mad, you can just leave."

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We live in a fast-food society. We want things easy and we want it now. No way we want to do anything that requires effort. We go into marriage thinking that we will have the perfect little marriage and the perfect little family in the cookie-cutter house and we will never argue and get angry. Wrong! We need to know what we are actually agreeing to. We are agreeing to stay with our spouse when things are the worst they have ever been. When they make you angry and call you names and hurt your feelings. Marriage is not a continuous date. You now get to see the good, the bad, and the ugly. I know first-hand the dangers of weak commitment in marriage.  After my husband and I were newly married, we would throw the big "D" and "S" word around.  I made choices and decisions that threatened the covenant of my marriage because of my attitude, insecurities, and because I felt as though Yolanda was lost in this relationship. But we had to decide if we wanted to be married and if we did than divorce and separation was not an option; we were then forced to work things out.

And working it out has not been an easy road. I have undergone two major surgeries to battle issues with my fertility  since we have been together, losing two grandfathers, a father, and an aunt in the span of four years.  In between all of this there was job losses which brought on money problems, confusion, miscommunication and interference from unwanted life situations. But through it all I have had to remember that I love him and I vowed to sustain through all of the good and bad times. I know that we could not have remained together without our third cord, our Heavenly Father. I really don't know how in the world people do it without Christ. He has become the center of our home, and we still have days that we could really could hurt each other but with Christ as the umpire we have no choice but to see each other through His eyes. 

Hence, the key to surviving is seeing marriage and each other through God's eyes, hearing each other with God's ears, lifting each other with God's hands, encouraging each other with God's Words, and loving each other with God's heart.  Marriage is about choosing each day, each minute, to honor God with our words and actions, and in turn, we honor our spouses. Marriage was created by God for our good, for the good of our society, and for His plan to be fulfilled. It’s about companionship, pleasure, responsibility, commitment, romance, raising the next generation—the whole package. It’s the most difficult and yet the most fulfilling relationship we experience during our time on earth. And that’s why it’s worth fighting for. 

Today I want us to encourage your troubled marriages or just marriages in general. That God will bring restoration and healing. I implore you to speak life and death to the issues now affecting the restoration of your marriage, and release the awesome power of God as He works to restore strengthen and heal your marriage. ​

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