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MY TRANSPARENT
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 The past year has been so eventful for me I could barely keep up, and after a series of events I have found that it was necessary to take some time to pay attention to some spiritual and personal areas of my life. I have learned that if I am to be any good to anyone I have to first take care of and deal with me. While on this slight respite I have been digging deep to come to a solution about some areas that have had me in quite a quandary. Not so much a particular situation that had me puzzled but a series of events. And as a result of the experiences I have been looking at my abilities, my actions, my purpose in life and how and if I should move forward. Taking these moments are not unusual for me. I tend to get in this space in which I shut down, shut up and get quiet to silence the confusion and to hear to my Father. And when I get in this space I tend to do a “LOOK BACK”. When I was Revenue Agent for the State I learned a piece of terminology termed a “look back period". A look back period is where an organization or company looks back over previous periods to come to a determination or an outcome for a particular situation. So that's what I have done for the past few months. Now when I do these "look back periods" I tend to “look back” over my life to examine me, the choices I have made, the outcome of said choices, what I have experienced, the lessons learned, how God moved, how he brought me through and how am I to move forward with this new knowledge. I believe that everything we go through is for a reason, some reasons we may not know but some reason we may know. It may be to either improve certain areas of our lives, to prevent repeating detrimental and destructive behavior, cycles and situations or to help someone else. If you haven't figured it out. I am on a constant quest to improve and better myself and my life. I am always thinking and analyzing. Sometimes it works against me…but a lot of times it works for my good. I always ask myself during times like this in my life, how did I get in this particular circumstance, what am I supposed to learn, where did I go right or wrong and how can I never experience this foolishness again. Now let me be clear, these “look back periods” are not the time to wallow in self-pity and mourn about what was lost; I look back to place things in perspective so that I may reach a positive outcome. These “look back periods” are to provide a better understanding as to how I was accountable, to appreciate and respect the process, and to understand how, with God’s divine providence,am I to move forward. They are also to remind me that victory is possible if I do not give up and remain focus. So my conclusion from this particular look back period is that the present does not represent the future. That what I am experiencing is a process that I must go through and that I am to take the lessons learned… apply….readjust… move forward. I will admit that I as I approached this look back period, I was feeling weary, torn, battered, and bruised but as I “looked back” I now have perceived a new determination, new boldness, new focus, and new vision. I just have to take the brakes off and allow myself to go through the process to attain another "testament" to the power and greatness of the one true and living God. And His greatness will be told because He knows that I will tell it so that others may be set free! The lessons that I am learning in this present experience are surely for His good as I will be able to build upon them and use it for God's glory. But to obtain the greatness and the destiny purposed for me, I must look back to move forward with confidence and boldness. If this thought has been profitable to you, please share with your friends and family. Like or click the social share button or leave a comment in the box below for Pastor Yolanda.
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 This year marks the fifth year of my decision to pursue my destiny. The decision to step out on faith was not an easy one, it came on the heels of a major decision to leave my full time job with the State of Georgia in 2012. Yes, I left a good government job to take less money working from home. When I made that decision I had no clue as to where God was taking me or what he was leading me to do. All I knew was that I heard the Holy Spirit speak clearly to me. And what I heard was that it was my time to be in time. It was my appointed time for destiny. We hear so much about living in purpose and finding destiny but we never hear much about being on time for destiny. When I look back at when I heard from God that it was my time to move out of the comfort and convenience of my job to walk into faith and actively begin to work the vision of The Sanctuary, my natural self was not in agreement. In my analytical logical mind, I knew the circumstances of my life were saying loud and clear that it was not a good time. The logical and natural order should be for me to remain on my job for a few more years, take care of some pressing needs and just work on the establishing The Sanctuary on the side. That would be the safest and more stable solution. But my spiritual self was saying that I had to look beyond my circumstances, what I could see in the natural and listen to the voice of God that was speaking loudly to my spirit. It was time to take my faith to the next level because as it was my time…my appointed time. And I made the decision to seize my Kairos moment. This unexpected opportunity in time led me to my divine destiny. What is Kairos? Kairos (ki-räs) is a Greek word that refers to the appointed time; the right time, the fullness of time, the time of opportunity for action or exchange, unrestricted by the passing of time; in the New Testament Kairos means "the appointed time in the purpose of God”, the time when God acts. There are many scriptures in the bible that speak to “appointed times” and one particular scripture that immediately comes to mind and that many refer to is: Habakkuk 2:2-3, “And the Lord answered me, and said, Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it. For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry." But what do we know about this appointed time? We surely do not hear much about Kairos time in our society as we are regulated by “chronos” (kronos) time, which is chronology. Chronology is a valuable tool in the hands of human beings. Chronology is a human attempt to structure the order of God's creation. Chronology is mankind’s attempt to measure time in an orderly fashion within God’s creation using external resources which makes us unconscious of those times in our lives when it is “our time.” Chronology is determined by flesh. Kairos is time determined by the Eternal Creator. Chronology is concrete. Kairos is intangible. We get so caught up in the chronology of our necessities that we miss our Kairos. Our Father is the one who determines the Kairos. He has a time for everything. His word says, "there is a time for everything; a time to be born and a time to die; a time to begin and a time to end; a time to let go and a time to hold on; a time to start again and a time to quit; and a time to fight back and a time to defend." (Ecclesiastes 3:1-11). You may have no external indications of the kairos of opportunity, no visible signs, warning bells, whistles, or alarms, but you can discern the time by being in relationship with the Timekeeper. You will not be successful trying to do it on your own time, you may get things done but it will be the hard way. I encourage you to develop a Kairos consciousness, and become aware of kairos opportunities. Your kairos moments are in the hands of God. Become a person open to God kairos time…open to His time. If this thought has been profitable to you, please share with your friends and family. Like or click the social share button or leave a comment in the box below for Pastor Yolanda.
 The topic of fear is very near to my heart as the manifestation of fear affected me most of my adult life. And you can surely see the effects of fear in our society. Anytime there is a tragedy albeit it a natural disaster or man-made, there is a constant barrage of images, the death count and the story is told again and again. When there is a turn in the economy we are told repeatedly how if things do not turn around soon, we are doomed, and we will beyond broke, without jobs and in despair. When a food born outbreak occurs we are told of the deaths and how they have no idea what is the source, but they suggest discard the food with this production date or it could happen to you. We are inundated with frightening images, sound bites and the like. It is amazing some of us come out of the house in the morning with the bleak report we hear on a daily basis. And with these negative images and information constantly penetrating our Spirits it’s not surprising many of us are fearful with no positive outlook of the future. I know personally what fear can do to your psyche and spirit. There was about a five year period in my life that it seemed that I was losing someone close to me each year, the most detrimental was my father. And it planted a seed of fear. Not only was I losing people but I was having major personal lose; jobs, cars, etc. The first death was that of my maternal grandfather and I am sure this is where the seed was initially planted. You have to understand that I did not know my grandfather as he left my grandmother after producing seven children with her. He moved several states away and never cared to have a relationship with us. After I married in 2004, I moved to the state he lived in and my Aunt, who passed 4 years later, encouraged that I develop a relationship with him. I began to visit him and we established a relationship, but unfortunately he passed within six months. And it was not a pleasant experience for me. I experienced finding him semi-conscious, sitting in his feces, putting him the ambulance only to see him slip into a coma and eventually die; it was heartbreaking. And what was more tragic was that I experienced almost the exact same thing with my maternal grandmother twelve years prior. They both had the exact same cause of death and I was there to see it all. And the family drama that ensued afterwards had me in an emotional tailspin. So the first anxiety attack I had was inevitable. The night before we were to bury my grandfather I experienced my first attack. I woke with terror, feeling as though I could not breathe. My heart was pounding, my blood ran cold. I began to gasp for air. I couldn’t even call on anyone as it was just my niece, who was a baby, and I at home. I reach for my cell phone and ran to the porch; thinking I would call the ambulance and maybe run over to a neighbor. As soon as the cool air touch my face, I began to calm some and I began to take deep breaths and I began to pray. My heart slowed down, my breathing became somewhat normal and I began to get my bearings. That night marked the beginning of my night terrors. I didn’t tell anyone except my husband, we dismissed it as stress and that I was tired from all the events that had taken place. But we were wrong. For the months to follow they came more frequently. I was not sleeping and I became a frequent visitor to the hospital. They would check me and would send me home with anti-anxiety medication. The medicine made me feel worse. And it didn’t make matters any better that I was six hours away from my family. It was wreaking havoc in my marriage. My husband was at his wits ends as I would be up all night crying, telling him I was dying. And they began to progressively get worse, especially once my father died and I began to experience health issues. My family and friends had no idea what I was experiencing at night. Stress, depression and worry were taking its toll on me. I was not being productive and it was causing major issues in me and my marriage. I was allowing “fear” to cripple and stifle me spiritually, emotionally and physically. After a while I had enough. I did some research on the causes of anxiety and I knew that medicine was not the answer for me. However I knew who did have the answers and I made an appointment with the Great Physician, Jesus. I went into my Sanctuary and I prayed and analyzed everything. And that’s when I realized that my fear of dying was tied to all the loss that I experienced around me. That seed was planted and it grew into a nasty weed that was chocking the life out of me. I was struggling with the thought that my dying day was imminent. Why wouldn’t it be? I saw my Daddy and Auntie, who had a deep and meaningful relationship with God, gone. So why would he not take me in a moment? And the issues with my health played a tremendous part in my “fear of death. I came face to face with my mortality and I was afraid. I had a choice, continue to have these attacks and disrupt my home life and eventually tear my marriage apart or I could face my fear. What if God did decide to take me? Would I have lived a life that was pleasing and acceptable? If I did die, where would my soul go? And that’s when I knew that it was time for me to get it right so that when my dying day did come, I would be sure where my soul would rest. I dug my heels in and I did the work and it was not an overnight process. I chose not to do it with medicine but with a holistic approach. I learned how to breathe through the attacks and I would repeat 2 Timothy 1:7, “God has not given ME a spirit of fear but of love joy and a sound mind”. And I repeat it until I felt calm again and I had regained my sound mind. I made sure to feed my spirit as well with positive information and scriptures, I prayed and meditated and I stopped focusing on dying and focused on living. In one of the last conversations I had with my Daddy before his passing he said something that really brought me insight and it helped me to heal. We were talking about his upcoming surgery and making plans and I asked him was he scared. My daddy had such a way with words and in his way he said, No, I am not scared. You are scared when you are afraid to die. I am not afraid to die because I know where I am going. And that’s exactly the medicine I needed to deliver me from the anxiety attacks. I am getting my life right so that when I take my last and final breath, I will not be afraid — because I know where I am going. If this thought has been profitable to you, please share with your friends and family. Like or click the social share button or leave a comment in the box below for Pastor Yolanda.
 I received this text last week from someone I know going thru a really hard and challenging time in their life. It came out of the blue and when I read it initially I was honored. But as I was praying for this person the Father brought to my heart Proverbs 17:17, "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." In a time when relationships are suffering from the lack of love, loyalty, and covenant commitment I felt the need to release this thought. My friend is going thru a very trying time and it's my inherent born duty to love her thru the good (because they have had some) and to also love them thru the very bad struggle days. And not just love them, but to show up on the frontline in whatever capacity I can to help them to secure victory in this battle called life. This is what a friend is born to do. We don't see much of this in our day and time, people lack understanding and empathy. They are finnicky and will not be inconvenienced if it doesn't benefit them. Aristotle wrote that a friend is "a single soul in two bodies.” That means friends are kindred spirits, whose souls are “knit together.” Friendships like this will endure, even through the intensity of the ebbs and flows that will occur in life. Are you that friend that "sticks closer than a brother" in the ebbs and flows of life or are you that friend that "sees the need," yet close your heart against them" as you have your own stuff to deal with? Trust me I have my own stuff and could easily use that as an excuse to not be in the battle with them. But I am reminded that, "There is no greater love than a friend that lays down their life for a friend. If this thought has been profitable to you, please share with your friends and family. Like or click the social share button or leave a comment in the box below for Pastor Yolanda.
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