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MY TRANSPARENT
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 This week I have had the desire to have a conversation with my late father. He passed away eight years ago and although its has been eight years and the pain is not as intense, that longing and desire to hear his voice, to hear his laugh, and to spend time with him in this life is still there. Especially now as I see my destiny finally taking form. I want to share these life moments and hear his counsel and wisdom. When we have suffered a significant loss – whether that loss is the death of a loved one, the loss of our home, our job, our health, relationships, our dream – our hearts and souls are deeply wounded. And despite what some would say, the passing of time, by itself, will not bring us healing. Burying our feelings does not work. Neither does keeping busy or finding a “replacement” to fill our emptiness. At one point in these eight years I wondered if I would ever again feel any joy, energy, or peace. I am sure most who have encountered tremendous loss wonder if life will ever again be normal. We worry sometimes that we’ve become a little bit crazy, or maybe that we are irreparably broken. The truth is that whether your loss was recent or a long time ago, you can know healing. You can work through your loss, and begin to feel truly alive again. And you can do that best when you are surrounded by the Spirit of God. And finding God in the midst of the pain and the suffering begins with the casket of loss. Finding yourself in that casket, where you’ve been waiting on God, wailing out to God, the one who captures your soul. In the casket is where You worship God. In the midst of life’s losses, yes you can choose worship. “Worship” is a common word. But what is worship really? Specifically, in the midst of grief, what does worship look like? In crying, you cry out for God’s help. In worship, you cry out for God. In comfort, you receive God’s strength. In worship, you receive God's comfort. Worship is wanting God more than wanting relief. Worship is finding God even when you don’t find answers. Worship is walking with God in the dark and having Him as the light of your soul. The Bible consistently invites us to worship God in the midst of suffering. Worship as the end result of suffering has always been the testimony of God’s people. The story of Job in the Bible is one that I oftentimes used to describe my life. I haven't known that level of Jobs' calamity, but I have experienced major loss that made me feel as though I would loose my life. Job experienced, losing his wealth, his children, the Bible says this, “Job stood up and tore his robe in grief. Then he shaved his head and fell to the ground to worship.”(Job 1:20). David says his suffering created a God-thirst. “As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God?” (Psalm 42:1-2). Suffering’s ultimate goal is worship: exalting and enjoying His love. This is when we’re nourished and empowered. Choosing to worship Him in the grief of the loss is choosing life despite our circumstances and not giving up or giving in. It is choosing healing; healing that can only be found in our Father. Its what saved me. Satan uses suffering to suck the life out of your soul. He did it to me, for the first time in my life suicide was an option of relief But God! He used the suffering to enliven my soul. The caskets of my life losses did not have to lead to the death of my faith, hope, and love; instead they should lead me to worshiping Him with my very life. If this thought has been profitable to you, please share with your friends and family. Like or click the social share button or leave a comment in the box below for Pastor Yolanda.
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 We’ve been taught that, “When it rains, it pours.” We’ve been taught to expect the worst and to often lay down and take it when the enemy attacks. We’ve been taught to turn and run when darkness comes. to look the other away when injustice strikes. But when will we believe God and stand up? When will we say like those Hebrew young men to King Nebuchadnezzar after he threatened to have them burned alive, “…We don’t need to defend ourselves. The God we worship can save us from you and your flaming furnace. But even if He doesn’t, we still won’t worship your gods and the gold statue you have set up.” (Daniel 3:16-18). When we say, “Whether God delivers only my soul or both soul and body… we are believing what the Word says, "No weapon formed against you shall prosper…." (Isaiah 54:17) The truth is, the verse is written with the assumption that if you are walking in the will of God, that there will be weapons formed against you. You will fight obstacles. And you will have to overcome darkness. I am a living witness to this! In the middle of this unprecedented time in The Sanctuary, in my pursuit of my Masters Degree and to expand our business, I have had many arrows and fiery darts thrown to discourage and numerous snares set to destroy. And despite the schemes, I am advancing with a fury that is transforming lives. You will not face opposition if you’re heading in the opposite direction of the enemy. If you’re not a threat, you’re not a target. So, what do you do when attacked?
But importantly remember that, "Our Father is not a man that should lie, if He said it, it will come to pass" (Numbers 23:19). So don't be afraid and don't you shrink back, you stand your ground because "No weapon formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue that rises up against you, He shall condemn." (Isaiah 54:17) If this thought has been profitable to you, please share with your friends and family. Like or click the social share button or leave a comment in the box below for Pastor Yolanda.
 As spring has emerged I have made time for my favorite pastimes and that is gardening. I think it is important to have something that you can do alone that will allow you to unwind and to be at peace and gardening is that for me. I love to garden, it relaxes me and it is also good exercise. But most importantly I know that it feeds the nurturer in me. I take delight in planting a seed, watering it and then watching it grow and bloom. And I am thankful that I am able to see the fruits of my labor as I work from home and my office is directly in front of my garden. I have planted flowers in front of my office window that attracts butterflies, hummingbirds, and dragonflies. My flowers reappear each year with splendor and glory, and watching the butterflies bounce from plant to plant is an absolute joy for me while I work. Well, it seems that each year I also have another individual that enjoys the harvest as well, a hummingbird. You see around blooming season each year the hummingbird swoops in to inspect my flowers. It is fascinating to watch the hummingbird fly in each day, swoop down and hover over the flower until the blooms are ripe enough for him to peck and partake of the succulent juice. It’s like he knows that one day he will find a harvest. Watching him each day I began to relate to the “expectation” of that hummingbird. As I have that same sense of expectation in my own life. I am sure you too can relate. You have been toiling, waiting, praying, and watching, asking God for a harvest in a particular area of your life, or for particular people, situations or issues, and you are wondering when you will see the harvest. And sometimes you began to feel that He does not hear your hunger pains or see that you are thirsty in this barren land. I think there is a lesson here. This hummingbird knows just where to go each year to receive his blessing and he shows up with a sense of expectation. He knows that he will find the sustenance he desires and needs in its due season. What I have seen from this hummingbird Jesus discussed in Matthew 6:25-32, “That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? “And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith? “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.” You see the hummingbird is not worried about how and what it will eat as his provision has been made thru me. Remember, I purposely planted seeds specifically to attract and feed him. Can you imagine how excited that hummingbird feels when he sees the blooms? I'm sure sheer joy! So I ask if God can provide for a creature as simple and small as the hummingbird of the sky, what will He provide for His most highest and prized creation? What I learned from observing this hummingbird is that we first must be faithful, be thankful, and diligent in tour expectation of reaping of our harvest. It may seem at times as though the seeds that we have planted may be dying or will never produce a harvest; but we cannot lose faith and grow weary. We have to be confidant in the our Father that He is faithful to His Word that we will reap what we have sown. After all He is the Almighty and All-knowing God who is able to deliver, heal, and set us free; He possesses the power to restore and heal our barren land. We just have to have faith to believe with the same level of determination and patience as that hummingbird. We can never stop “hovering with expectation” as we will reap our harvest in “God’s Due Season” if we faint not! “[all creatures] look to you to give them their food in due season; you open wide your hand and satisfy the needs of every living creature.” Psalm 104:27. If this thought has been profitable to you, please share with your friends and family. Like or click the social share button or leave a comment in the box below for Pastor Yolanda.
 Mother's Day is approaching and we will be celebrating Mother's of all kinds. But this day for many is a reminder of what we do not have. For some, a mother may be deceased or have not been in their lives or they have never known the joys of motherhood because of infertility, miscarriage, infant loss or other life issues. I am a member of one of these not so famous and less celebrated clubs. I have not experienced the joys of motherhood. Mother's Day in the past has been very difficult time for me. Yes, I receive the one or two texts from those who know personally my struggle with conceiving offering prayers of a future seed. I am blessed to be an Auntie, and each year my beautiful niece who I help raise from infancy always sends me her love and appreciation during this time. I am so appreciative for these gestures of love and encouragement. But to be transparent, deep within the recesses of my soul when I see all the pictures of the homemade Mother's Day cards from the little ones, the rose dedication in churches and read the "being part of the elite club Motherhood statuses" it is a reminder that my desire has not yet manifested after thirteen years. And that's when I have the thoughts that I will I never be allowed entrance into that elite club. This year has the potential to be harder because of my recent health challenges because according to everything that the world says, my chances for entrance into this elite club is getting smaller and smaller with each passing year. But I do not hold to what the world says, I believe the report of the LORD and I choose to use this for the His good. Today, as many celebrate their membership in this elite club, I want to send a word of encouragement to those who have not enjoyed the joys of carrying life at all or to full term, or do not have a mother present in their life or who does not have a living mother to share this day with. You are not alone. This is a subject matter that many shy away from. But today, I want to express for my spiritual sisters in faith that we are not bitter, covetous, or envious. This club that we are in may not be celebrated with a day but we know a God that offers hope and comfort doing these times and He always shows us that we are valued and worth being celebrated. Christ dedicated His entire ministry to broken souls and He offered a welcoming place of rest and nourishment. Today, rest in his bosom and receive healing for what your hear longs for. I am taking a moment to allow God to speak to my soul and fill me with His Spirit so that I can fully understand this journey that I am on - as I know that this journey is not for me but for someone else. Take this opportunity to feel the feelings but don't stay there. Begin to change your perspective and see where you can fill the void that you feel in someone else's life or how you can be of encouragement to someone in your "club". And I challenge those that are part of the "elite club called Motherhood" to remember someone like me, someone you know in my club. A sister in faith that is battling infertility, or has lost a mother and has never known the joy of celebrating a Mother's Day with a living mother, or a sister in faith that is battling never having a mother in her life. Let's not get so wrapped up in the day that we forget those who are struggling to be where you are. Will you be that friend this year that remembers that friend who isn't part of your club? Maybe you haven’t battled infertility or infant loss. There is so much encouragement that comes in knowing we are not forgotten, that we are not overlooked, and that we are not an after thought. Would you be that encouragement this year? That glimmer of a radiant Light on what would be an otherwise painful day? Regardless of how you do it, remember the motherless, the infertile, those who have miscarried and the non-mother. As the world around us celebrates motherhood remember that the Proverbs 31 woman needs our attention, as well as Hannah the 1 Samuel 1 woman does too. If this thought has been profitable to you, please share with your friends and family. Like or click the social share button or leave a comment in the box below for Pastor Yolanda.
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