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MY TRANSPARENT
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 Many people will quote during time of loss that, "Time heals all wounds.” If I had a dollar for every time someone has said that to me over the past several years, I’d have racks of bills in front of me. In the past ten years, I’ve faced the loss of five members of my family. Today is the ninth year of my beloved Father's passing and through clouds of disbelief and sorrow, I watched my love ones pass on. With each loss, well-meaning people offered cliches such as the one mentioned above. Brace yourself, for I’m going to say something that may shock many of you. Time does not heal. The passage of days does not guarantee comfort or healing. The emotional wounds caused by loss will not dissipate on their own. But don’t despair. There is hope in the midst of mourning. If there is one thing I have learned during this season in my life it is this: God heals all wounds. According to Matthew 5:4, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” Notice it says will, not might or could or ought or any other vague remark. God will comfort those of us whose hearts are breaking over the loss of a loved one. On those days when I feel the overwhelming crush of grief and despair, I can cling to this assurance from my Heavenly Father. Yes, loss is overwhelming, scary, and life changing. But God has said in His word, that He will soothe our pain-filled hearts. Open yourself to God. He loves you and promises to do what no amount of time can ever accomplish: the restoration of a wounded, grieving soul. If you are experiencing grief over the loss of someone in your life, pray as I did many days to our Heavenly Father to heal your grieving and aching heart.
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 It is bad enough when a stranger or enemy betrays you, but when it is someone you believed to be a close and trusted friend, partner, or spouse, it is especially hurtful. It might feel like you were taken advantage of, deceived, humiliated, despised, cheated, or stabbed in the back. Oftentimes it comes as a surprise. That is why it is so painful. You would not expect to be hurt so badly from someone you thought you could trust. So you are left in disbelief and unbelievable pain. In Psalm 55 King David deals with what can be one of the more painful experiences that people endure in life. David is dealing with the betrayal of a close friend. But David has not been betrayed by just any close friend, but by someone “with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship as we walked with the throng at the house of God” (Psalm 55:14). It is an extremely emotionally painful experience to have someone with whom you put your trust break that trust and turn against you. It is even more painful when it is one of our brothers or sisters in Christ who breaks this trust. David has been betrayed by another child of God, with whom he had shared worshipping the Lord. Just as David, anyone who has experienced betrayal in a relationship knows how difficult it is to recover from such an experience. The person you thought you could trust and count on is no longer the person you believed them to be. So you wonder what happened. Were you just wrong about them all along or did something change? Maybe your relationship changed and so did their loyalty to you. Maybe something in either or both of your lives has changed and they became insensitive to you. Or, maybe you both grew apart and in different directions. There are many reasons that cause people to betray one another. Sometimes they are very deliberate and intended to hurt the other person. And sometimes they are consequences of choices that are made with no intention of doing any harm to anyone. Looking out for one’s own best interests can cause some people to disregard relationships they once valued. They may feel the relationship is in the way or not as important anymore. Feelings change. And as feelings change so do one’s actions and choices. An individual that feels their needs are not being met in a relationship might feel that the relationship is no longer important or worth investing in. Therefore, they might seek to get their needs met elsewhere. This changes the relationship. Eventually, it grows apart and opportunities for betrayal emerge. When you're hurt by someone you love and trust, you might become angry, sad or confused. If you dwell on hurtful events or situations, grudges filled with resentment, vengeance and hostility can take root. If you allow negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. Betrayal is a destructive force that leaves many ruins in its path. Betrayal changes everything. Relationships and all those affected will never be the same again. The damage done can be irreparable. Trust is lost. Wounds run deep. Anger persists. Hearts are broken. Self-protective walls are erected. Pain is long and lasting. And we wonder…. Can trust ever be restored? Do wounds ever heal? Will anger cease to exist? Can hearts be repaired? Will the self-protective walls ever come down? Does the pain ever go away? Not only does betrayal change relationships, it changes individuals. Something happens inside of you. You might find it difficult to ever trust again. You might be more guarded and protective for fear of being vulnerable again. You might learn to be more discerning and less naïve. Your expectations of others may change. The pain of betrayal is very real and has a significant impact on the lives of all those who have experienced it. It is one of those painful life experiences that have the power to change people’s hearts and lives forever. In one season of my life it seemed everyone I loved and cared for was doing something or saying something to cut me deep in my heart. I remember how the betrayals wounded me deeply and I would get down on our knees and began to tell God all the pain I felt. It felt like my life was caving in on me. In one of those moments of supernatural impartation God gave me one of the greatest spiritual survival gifts I had ever received. He gave me the gift of praise and blessing in the face of betrayal. I would begin to praise God for who He is, thank Him for this opportunity to trust Him in our helplessness. I thanked Jesus for this hurtful moment because it was taking me deeper into my dependence on Him. Then I begin to bless my betrayers. Over the next few months it became more real to me that the relationships had changed and every time I thought of my betrayers I made the choice to bless instead of curse. God has allowed me the opportunity to look some of them in the eye and show them love and kindness. And this is when the true healing began and I have moved into a greater place in God. He cleansed and released me from relationships that were not meant for the next season of my life. But most of all I learned how to truly do as my father said to me, "Depend on no one but Jesus". Another important life lesson learned is, how we choose to respond to the pain of betrayal will determine the direction our lives and ministries will take. Betrayal can be a beginning or it can be an end. There are many gifted and called people who have been betrayed, but are now lying in the enemy's gutter of bitterness and it is breaking the Father's heart. God is calling both the betrayers and the betrayed out of the dark places where the pain and sorrow of betrayal has led them. He is calling people out with His voice of hope and restoration. If you have suffered through a place of betrayal, now is the time to begin to follow His voice. In the end, you will experience the same resurrection power and new life that followed the Lord in His betrayal. Remember: Embedded somewhere, in each act of betrayal, is the purpose of God waiting to be discovered. Jesus was betrayed by a close friend, Judas and his betrayal led Jesus to His purpose of the Cross. So, He knows our pain. Today pray that God heals our hearts so that we don't have to pay the price repeatedly by bringing anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience and that His purpose is revealed through our pain of betrayal. If this thought has been profitable to you, please share with your friends and family. Like or click the social share button or leave a comment in the box below for Pastor Yolanda.
 I had an interesting conversation with a friend, she was telling me of some drama that had been going on in her life. She told me about a friend that had provided service to an individual and he was just dismissed by this person publicly without thought or regard and she expressed how this person was so distraught and hurt. And after that conversation I received an email from a friend saying how she had some family issues that she felt as though she was going through it alone, neglected, and not loved and how it was taking so much for her to get through it. I could so relate to all the feelings of rejection, loneliness, and abandonment. These conversations caused me to think, deeply. Everyone wants to feel accepted and valued. We can pretend that we don't need or want validation from anyone. But on some level we all do. And it's perfectly normal if you do. It's natural to want to be a part of something or to know that we are loved. God created us this way. So when we are not valued, accepted, or made to feel as though we are loved we tend to make decisions and choices in life that sends us on a destructive path. We lose focus of what we are called and purpose to be and we began to seek validation instead of seeking purpose. I know this to be true because I have been there. Yes, I allowed my desire to be valued make me a victim; a victim to toxic relationships, situations and thoughts. Thoughts that I wasn't good enough, smart enough, eloquent enough...which in turn created insecurities about my God given talents and gifts. And whenever I came in contact with someone who criticized or manipulated me for their own selfish gain, it would do nothing but send me into a place of depression and self-loathing and that's when the feelings of inadequacy would come in and I would lose my focus. It was a vicious cycle that I repeated for a long time. But today I can say that after a lot of God searching, praying, and being honest about myself and those close to me, I can see real clear now! The more I allowed myself to get caught up in this destructive cycle the more I was hindering my growth! I had to first realize and know my worth and know that I matter. If I cannot value myself, how can I expect anyone else to value me! And then I had to realize that my validation does not need to come from man but God. I accepted the gifts He blessed me with - the gift to create, inspire and encourage. That's what truly matters, the calling and purpose on my life. Nothing else matters! And the most important lesson of all is that I could no longer give anyone that kind of power over my life. So today, I want to encourage you to see yourself as God sees you! He values you and the contributions that you have made in this life - you are important and you matter to Him! You are special and unique and He knows the greatness and purpose in each of you, why? Because He created you and He created you with a divine destiny. So cast down those fears, insecurities, and negative thoughts about yourself and rise up and be the victory that He created you to be. YOU HAVE DESTINY TO FULFILL! For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11 If this thought has been profitable to you, please share with your friends and family. Like or click the social share button or leave a comment in the box below for Pastor Yolanda.
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