The past year has been so eventful for me I could barely keep up, and after a series of events I have found that it was necessary to take some time to pay attention to some spiritual and personal areas of my life. I have learned that if I am to be any good to anyone I have to first take care of and deal with me. While on this slight respite I have been digging deep to come to a solution about some areas that have had me in quite a quandary. Not so much a particular situation that had me puzzled but a series of events. And as a result of the experiences I have been looking at my abilities, my actions, my purpose in life and how and if I should move forward. Taking these moments are not unusual for me. I tend to get in this space in which I shut down, shut up and get quiet to silence the confusion and to hear to my Father. And when I get in this space I tend to do a “LOOK BACK”.
When I was Revenue Agent for the State I learned a piece of terminology termed a “look back period". A look back period is where an organization or company looks back over previous periods to come to a determination or an outcome for a particular situation. So that's what I have done for the past few months. Now when I do these "look back periods" I tend to “look back” over my life to examine me, the choices I have made, the outcome of said choices, what I have experienced, the lessons learned, how God moved, how he brought me through and how am I to move forward with this new knowledge. I believe that everything we go through is for a reason, some reasons we may not know but some reason we may know. It may be to either improve certain areas of our lives, to prevent repeating detrimental and destructive behavior, cycles and situations or to help someone else.
If you haven't figured it out. I am on a constant quest to improve and better myself and my life. I am always thinking and analyzing. Sometimes it works against me…but a lot of times it works for my good. I always ask myself during times like this in my life, how did I get in this particular circumstance, what am I supposed to learn, where did I go right or wrong and how can I never experience this foolishness again.
Now let me be clear, these “look back periods” are not the time to wallow in self-pity and mourn about what was lost; I look back to place things in perspective so that I may reach a positive outcome.
These “look back periods” are to provide a better understanding as to how I was accountable, to appreciate and respect the process, and to understand how, with God’s divine providence,am I to move forward. They are also to remind me that victory is possible if I do not give up and remain focus.
So my conclusion from this particular look back period is that the present does not represent the future. That what I am experiencing is a process that I must go through and that I am to take the lessons learned… apply….readjust… move forward. I will admit that I as I approached this look back period, I was feeling weary, torn, battered, and bruised but as I “looked back” I now have perceived a new determination, new boldness, new focus, and new vision. I just have to take the brakes off and allow myself to go through the process to attain another "testament" to the power and greatness of the one true and living God. And His greatness will be told because He knows that I will tell it so that others may be set free! The lessons that I am learning in this present experience are surely for His good as I will be able to build upon them and use it for God's glory. But to obtain the greatness and the destiny purposed for me, I must look back to move forward with confidence and boldness.
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Because I am always in thought and a vessel of truth, I have no choice but to give them to you with no filter. Take a moment to read my very authentic and vunerable thoughts.